This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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