i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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