Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
