We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
