I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
