alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
