i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
