Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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