Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
