There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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