Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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