How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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