I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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