No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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