I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
