I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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