haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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