So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
