Duck Duck Cougar?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Come see our sink grown plant.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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