It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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