matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize