either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
