Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
