Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
