I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
