i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
