His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
