She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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