you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
