You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
