Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
