There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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