his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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