he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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