i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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