im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
