Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
