it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Text me some of your sweat
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
