Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
