Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
