he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
