you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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