she looked like the before picture.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Watching her eat just hurts me
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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