Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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