i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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