I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
