Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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