He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
