I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The struggles of a small town man whore
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize