once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
