You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Randomize