I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
