Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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