You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
