evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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