I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
