From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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