Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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