I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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