Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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