I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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