You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
